Maria Sharapova Was Forced To Take Steroids If She Ever Wanted To Beat Serena Williams Again

Maria Sharapova has been suspended for taking performance enhancing drugs a second time. I can’t blame her and neither should you. Why? Because Sharapova has lost to Serena Williams 18 STRAIGHT TIMES. In the style of @DarrenRovell, the last time Sharapova beat Serena the #1 song in the country was Usher’s “Yeah!”

Maria Sharapova steroids for Serena Williams.jpg

If I lost to the same person for over a decade, I would resort to much more aggressive manners than taking meldonium, an entry level cheaters drug. Go big or go home, Maria. The good thing for you is now that you are in the invite-only PED’s club so you can holler fellow members like Barry, Lance or Jose and get that good stuff.

Steroid Club Sharapova.JPG

2016 Summer is All About the Alligator

It’s no question that alligators are the “it” animal of the summer. Move over panda, panda, panda, this summer season the gator is in. How did it happen. Let’s go to the tape.

Earlier in May, we had alligators making their presence known by popping up left and right in people’s pool.

 Alligator Pool 1Alligator Pool 2

Next, they went viral when one of their diesel brothers hit the links and went for a stroll on a golf course.

Alligator Golf Course.jpg

Yesterday, an alligator wanted some facetime and casually went for a walk around town. He even tried to use the cross walk, what a guy. 

Alligator Crossing The Street


And please tell me this photo doesn’t look exactly like a famous cover photo from a certain fellow animal kingdom band.

Beatles alligator.jpg

See for yourself….

Alligator Beatles Cover 1Alligator Beatles Cover (@jbofmann)

Enjoy your moment alligator because you know it, your 15 seconds of fame will be up.

Ben Simmons Turns Down an Extra $4.5 MILLION to sign with Nike over Adidas

aWord on the Twitter street is that former LSU star, Ben Simmons is close to signing an endorsement deal with Nike. Adidas badly wanted him and were ready to overpay for him. Reports say his deal will be a 5 year deal for $7.5 Million, while Adidas was set to offer 5 year/ $10 Million PLUS a $2 Million signing bonus.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am definitely #TeamNike but for an extra $4.5 Million I would have rocked those black and white zebra stripes for my whole life….or until my contract runs out. I only say that because with that type of money at 19 years old who knows if I would have survived 5 years (looking at you, Johnny Manziel).

Ben Simmons Adidas Nike.JPG

Kimbo Slice NEEDS to be YouTube’s 1st Hall of Fame Inductee

Kimbo Slice has passed away at the age of 42. It sucks. Say what you will about his technical fighting abilities, the guy was one of the first must-see computer stuff. Everyone remembers huddling around computers watching Kimbo take on big, burly men with no regard for his body or human life. The guy seemed bigger than life.

So YouTube, do the right thing and make Kimbo Slice the inaugural first member of your Hall of Fame.

Kimbo Slice YouTube Hall of Fame.jpg

You know the Donut Craze is at its Peak Because You Can Buy a Full Outfit of Donut Clothing

The donut craze is officially at its peak. A few years ago it was cupackes which was the dessert that was hot in the suburbia streets. Now, they are a D-list food item at best. You know a type of food has made it when it transcends the food world and becomes a part of basic bitch fashion.

Donut Outfit

For all my basic bitches, here is where you can buy this stuff: Donut T-shirtDonut PantsDonut SocksDonut ShoesDonut BackpackDonut Hat

It’s only a matter of time till donuts become old news and a new dessert steps up to the plate and becomes the darling of white chicks everywhere. The only question is, what will it be….

Elon Musk Trying To Send Humans To Mars Is A Brilliant Business Move

ABC News – Elon Musk’s dream of sending humans to Mars could come true in the next decade.

Speaking at Vox Media’s Code Conference, the SpaceX CEO said he believes it’s possible to send the first humans to the Red Planet by 2025.

“If things go according to plan, we should be able to launch people probably in 2024 with arrival in 2025,” Musk said. His timeline puts the privately held SpaceX ahead of NASA’s goal of sending the first astronauts to Mars sometime in the 2030s.

 

Elon Musk is eager to get to Mars for one reason only: to be the first to purchase real estate. As a Silicon Valley guy, Elon has seen firsthand the real estate market blow up and is looking for the next real estate opportunity.

Once he figures out the whole shipping people to another planet thing, he will immediately start sending boatloads  spaceships full of people. I guarantee he will start by shipping 2 types of people: hipsters and techies. Nobody makes a new location in demand more than those 2 subgroups, just look at what they have done to Brooklyn and Silicon Valley. Then it’s only a matter of time till Mars is littered with art galleries, coffee shops and incubators. Once that happens, people will be lining up to buy real estate and who will they have to buy it from, Mr. Elon Musk. Brilliant.

Elon Musk Mars For Sale.jpg

 

PGA Doral Leaving South Florida…Donald Trump Spins Story In His Favor

GOLF – The PGA Tour is moving its annual WGC-Cadillac Championship from Trump-owned Doral in Miami to an unspecified course in Mexico City, ending a 53-year partnership with the resort.

The Donald sounded characteristically ambivalent about the breakup.

“I mean, I just heard that the PGA Tour is taking their tournament out of Miami and moving it to Mexico as an example,” Trump said. “They’re taking it — it’s at Doral, it’s at — they used one of my places. They’re moving it to Mexico City which, by the way, I hope they have kidnapping insurance. It is so sad when you look at what’s going on with our country.”

“I would make much more money at Doral if I didn’t have a tournament,” he said. “(March) is the prime month in Florida, you can’t get a room and I have the best rooms in Miami. I love the tournament, it’s been here 50 years. With all of that said, I would make much more money.”

 

This is just another example that Donald Trump can spin anything in his favor. What should be a rough day for The Donald, has just played right into the guy’s political story line. The only thing that could have made it more in his favor if they moved his tournament to China. Now he gets to go around the country, talk about how our country is losing golf tournaments, jobs, etc to other countries even though it was his fault in the first place. Damn, Donald. Back at it again with the perfect spin zone.

Trump Doral Quote.JPG

Happy trails, Doral WGC Cadillac Championship.Trump Doral Championship.JPG

Worst Season of The Real World Concludes….My Plan How To #MakeRealWorldGreatAgain

Last night concluded the worst season in Real World history. Let me preface this as saying I have always been a big fan of The Real World, but last night may have ruined everything.  Watching the last couple of seasons has been like watching Michael Jordan on the Wizards…You watch it knowing you are going to have to sit through some 1-12 games, but it’s worth it for that 1 bucket which puts a smile on your face every time.  This season was an 0-40 game. Not 1 redeeming moment. For shame MTV, for shame!

Real World Photo Jordan Meme2.jpg

The theme, “Go Big or Go Home” was doomed from the beginning. You don’t watch The Real World to see the roommates overcome fears or conquer obstacles, you watch for alcohol-fueled drama. And more importantly, there is a difference between FUN drama and ANNOYING drama and this season’s drama between the house and Jenna was the epitome of annoying drama.

The key to FUN drama is having it revolve around relationship/hook-ups. Therefore, if you need a theme for next season go with Real World: Model Temptation.

How to #MakeRealWorldGreatAgain:

  1. Cast 8 beautiful strangers
  2. Find a house that is directly above a nightclub/bar and/or pool (for pool parties..duh)
  3. Have a hot tub in the house (should be a requirement by reality TV law)
  4. Make the house open bar at all times
  5. Each week bring in a new set of models to live in the house
  6. Wait for FUN drama.

BOOM, I just fixed The Real World’s stock price. You can thank me later, shareholders.

blackberry-stock-chart

2016 Billboard Music Awards Fashion Review

Below are some of the HITS from last night’s 2016 Billboard Music Awards.

Steven Tyler went as Beetlejuice.

Steven Tyler Billboards Beetlejuice.jpg

Being animal-friendly is hot in the streets so Z LaLa (no idea who she is) went as a birdcage.

Lala Z Billboards Birdcage.jpg

Kesha stole her outfit from a Mexican mariachi familia.

Kesha Billboards Mariachi

Trevor Moran tried his best to be a female dracula.

Trevor Moran Billboards Dracula.jpg

And the Fat Jew kept it simple and went a white bandanna.

Fat Jew Billboards Bandanna

Old school JLo approves.

JLo White Bandana