Worst Season of The Real World Concludes….My Plan How To #MakeRealWorldGreatAgain

Last night concluded the worst season in Real World history. Let me preface this as saying I have always been a big fan of The Real World, but last night may have ruined everything.  Watching the last couple of seasons has been like watching Michael Jordan on the Wizards…You watch it knowing you are going to have to sit through some 1-12 games, but it’s worth it for that 1 bucket which puts a smile on your face every time.  This season was an 0-40 game. Not 1 redeeming moment. For shame MTV, for shame!

The theme, “Go Big or Go Home” was doomed from the beginning. You don’t watch The Real World to see the roommates overcome fears or conquer obstacles, you watch for alcohol-fueled drama. And more importantly, there is a difference between FUN drama and ANNOYING drama and this season’s drama between the house and Jenna was the epitome of annoying drama.

The key to FUN drama is having it revolve around relationship/hook-ups. Therefore, if you need a theme for next season go with Real World: Model Temptation.

How to #MakeRealWorldGreatAgain:

1. Cast 8 beautiful strangers
2. Find a house that is directly above a nightclub/bar and/or pool (for pool parties..duh)
3. Have a hot tub in the house (should be a requirement by reality TV law)
4. Make the house open bar at all times
5. Each week bring in a new set of models to live in the house
6. Wait for FUN drama.

BOOM, I just fixed The Real World’s stock price. You can thank me later, shareholders.

EXCLUSIVE: Super Bowl LIV Logo Unveiled

Miami has won the right to host the 2020 NFL Super Bowl and we have the EXCLUSIVE first look at the official logo for Super Bowl LIV!

What do you think? Love it/hate it? Let me know @Average_Miamian.

 

 

2016 Billboard Music Awards Fashion Review

Below are some of the HITS from last night’s 2016 Billboard Music Awards.

Steven Tyler went as Beetlejuice.

Being animal-friendly is hot in the streets so Z LaLa (no idea who she is) went as a birdcage.

Kesha stole her outfit from a Mexican mariachi familia.

Trevor Moran tried his best to be a female dracula.

And the Fat Jew kept it simple and went a white bandanna.

Old school JLo approves.

Top 5 Memes of the Week

Taco Bell Updating Their Restaurants With New “Local” Designs is an Awful Idea

LA Times – Taco Bell has announced a new line of restaurant designs to reflect diverse community experiences. Taco Bell has plans for a broader roll out of these designs in 2016 but currently it is focused on remodelling its existing stores. Taco Bell goes by the mantra of “Great Design, Great Food and Great Economics.”

 

Every couple of years Taco Bell has to try and class themselves up with one of 2 methods: try to convince the public they have a new line of “fresh” food  or update the décor with an urban/hipster feel.

A few years ago it was the food’s turn to get an update. We all remember when Taco Bell tried to Chipotlify themselves by hiring celebrity Mexican chef, Lorena Garcia to be their chef/spokesperson. During that marketing blitz, we were bombarded with Lorena Garcia telling us about TCB’s beautiful rice, amazing black beans or beautiful fresh ingredients. Although I loved the commercial because I am a sucker for thick Spanish accents, the movement never took off which shocked no one.

Taco Bell has now decided to update their restaurant designs by having them “built to reflect the vibrant communities in which they operate.” So if a Taco Bell is in the ghetto, will they have broken windows, gunshot holes and crack heads?

Here is Taco Bell’s biggest problem:

I am sure their executive board rooms look like this….

When it should look like this……

Make this change and Taco Bell sales will instantly get high.

Public Service Announcemnet For Those Who Don’t Watch Game of Thrones

 If you are like me and don’t watch Game of Thrones, Mondays over the past month have been rough. Monday morning arrives and all your friends and coworkers are talking what seems like gibberish as they discuss the previous night’s episode. As the discussion draws out, you sit in silence, give an occasional nod and just hope they don’t call you out like the middle school kid who still hasn’t made out with a girl.

If someone catches wind that you don’t watch #GOT, they act like….

It has gotten to the point where those who don’t watch the show must hide in fear…

But not anymore! We must stand together and be proud that we don’t watch this overrated show.

Top 5 Memes of the Week

 

 

 

90’s kids rejoice: ESPN is making a 30 for 30 documentary on the XFL

Breaking news: ESPN has announced that they will be making a 30 for 30 on the XFL.

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There are a lot of positives about growing up a millennial (yeah, I’m a douche for calling myself that).

Top 5 Best Part of Being a 90’s Baby

1. Watching WWF/WWE at its peak. Triple H, Hardy Boyz, Torrie Wilson. Yes. Yes. Yes.
2. No social media allowed you to get away with murder…literally
3. Disney channel movies were in their prime. Give me Brink or Halloweentown over any Oscar nominated movie any day of the week
4. Video games were better: Nintendo 64 > PS4 or Xbox One
5. The PC police wasn’t established yet…PC stands for political correctness for all you living under a rock.

However, there are some major regrets of being a 90’s baby.

Top 5 Regrets of Being A 90’s Baby

1. Too young to appreciate the greatness of Michael Jordan
2. Internet dial-up
3. Lack of HD television
4. No Uber.

And finally….

5. We hardly remember the XFL

Now with ESPN creating a 30 for 30 on the XFL, millennials like me who suffer from regret and shame for missing this glorious time will be able to feel vindicated as we finally are able to fully grasp the magnitude of Vince McMahon’s plan for football domination.

“Oh Canada” as performed by Dwyane Wade

Oh Canada, @DwyaneWade is coming for your ass! pic.twitter.com/ashQTsz7Gw

— Average Miamian (@Average_Miamian) May 11, 2016

 

Budweiser renames beer “America”, Frat bros compete to be the most American

USA Today – Anheuser-Busch announced Tuesday that the company is replacing the Budweiser logo with “America” on its 12-oz. cans and bottles this summer. The cans of patriotic nectar will be available May 23 through the November election and aim “to inspire drinkers to celebrate America and Budweiser’s shared values of freedom and authenticity.” He notes that while some consumers may be intrigued by the new can design, others will likely be alienated by the company’s attempt to literally “package America.”

 

How is Budweiser allowed to do this? Every possible combination of the English dictionary has been trademarked, but Budweiser just swoops in and trademarks the #1 draft pick of the English language. Bravo Budweiser, bravo.

It’s not even summer yet and with this new announcement, Anheuser Busch has us locked into a beer contract because now if you buy anything other than Budweiser America over the summer, you will be considered anti-America and I for one can’t have that.

Also, how about the loser experts who think the new name might alienate some customers because the company is attempting to“package America.” News flash: the only people that might have a problem with this name aren’t living in America and it is a stone cold fact that nobody living outside the 50 states has ever purchased a Budweiser so GTFO.

If the other beer companies want to compete, they need to assemble their troops and immediately change their name to the following:

Keystone – “College”

Bud Light – “America Light”

Coors Light  – “Silver Bullet”

Michelob Ultra – “I’m on Diet”

Natural Light – “Piss”

Busch Light – “Water”

Corona – “Mexico”

Guinness – “Irish Farts”

Mexico. Coming soon to a store near you.